Suspended and Kept On Ice: The Frozen Pizza Campaign of Herman Cain

DATELINE: HUMOR!

A funny thing happened on the way to the White House.

Herman Cain has gone into a state of suspended animation. This is one step away from cryogenics in presidential politics. 

Not since HAL the computer did all that damage in 2001: A Space Odyssey has a candidate been on the verge of entering the suspended animation pod for the hereafter.

We recall in the sci-fi political thriller called Alien, once you awaken from a suspended campaign, your future among a crew of wayward Republican nominees is indeed grim unless your name is Ripley. Believe it, or not.

Many moons ago on a Twilight Zone television episode, a group of bank robbers went into a state of suspension for 100 years to escape with their booty.

Alas, the booty did not age well. And, certainly the same could be said for the booty of Herman Cain.

The problem is that too many women call him “her man.”

Some political observers would call it only tit-for-tat that the man who fought against the frozen pizza could be done in by a pasty tomato.

We understand that a revival of Gore Vidal’s play, The Best Man, is ready to return to Broadway. In that chestnut, a presidential candidate is forced out of the race and into a state of suspension because of sexual scandal.

We think Herman Cain could revive his suspended state by entering the Broadway auditions. He would make a believable candidate for president whose ambitions were done in by his sexual prowess. The stage is where Herman Cain belongs.