Indianapolis Colts Bravely Ride Into the Valley of Death at Foxboro
DATELINE: HUMOR!
Facing the Minutemen at Gillette Stadium is a daunting task for most teams.
Men with Revolutionary War muskets, dressed in full regalia shoot first and ask questions after the Patriots score in every game.
This week the Indianapolis Colts come to Beantown; the New England Patriot musketeers may have to stock up on more powder for their weapons.
The smoke that billows over the field after every shot may look thicker than a pea souper.
If the Minutemen fire away ten times each game half, the smoke will waft all the way down Route One to Boston.
The North Church will have to put three lanterns in the steeple.
Worse for the Colts, who are under manned without Manning at the barricades, the need for extra help may drive their horse-drawn buggy off the road.
They shoot horses to put them out of misery, but the Colts may already be dead.
Some fans believe the Colts may call on the Village People to fill their ranks. It will take a village idiot to save Coach Jim Caldwell from going completely into vaudeville mode.
Dressed in full regalia with an Indian chief, a cop, a steel worker, a leather dominatrix with riding crop, and a cowboy, the Colts may be ready for the Big Show. Whether they will be able to field a winning team is another matter.
The only dry powder on the Village People will likely be their makeup kit. No shots will be fired from the Colt sidelines, as the skittish colts will begin to look more like the old gray mares by half time.
Paul Revere’s mount was hardly a nag, but the cry from horseback to alert Patriot Nation reveals that the Colts are not exactly the second coming of the Broncos.
A nagging fear may be that the 21st century version of a Boston Massacre will leave Indianapolis with only Andrew Luck on their side.
Meanwhile, Bill Belichick has the bit between his teeth, and he carries a mean riding crop.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson may not have had this NFL game in mind when he wrote about the “Charge of the Light Brigade,” but Foxboro is beginning to look a lot like Balaclava.
Theirs is not to reason why; the Colts are about to do and die.
The score will not be 600 to 0, but may not be a wipeout.
William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!
