Help Wanted: Eagles Head Coach
Head Coach Needed!!! Do you fit the bill?
Job Summary: The Philadelphia Eagles are in search of a new Head Coach. The Eagles are an American professional football team residing in Philadelphia. We are a solid organization established in 1933. The Eagles seek a moderately motivated individual to oversee all coaching operations. We offer great benefits - medical, dental, 401k and much more. Lodging and travel expenses covered by the organization. You will get to see the country as the team travels throughout the season, but more importantly, don't miss this opportunity to catch all Eagles games from the sideline - the best seat in the house!
Company: Philadelphia Eagles
Location: Philadelphia, PA 19148
Status: Seasonal (winter)
Occupation: Management
Requirements:
- Must be obese - We are looking for individuals who require two plane seats when flying. We find occupants sitting next to our coaches tend to distract them and interfere with game planning. The best way to prevent this from occurring is to eliminate the possibility altogether.
- Arrogance is a must
- Inability to adapt is preferred
- Must have trouble breathing, particularly when trying to talk at the same time
- Ability to manage the clock is frowned upon
- Unable to handle pressure
- When all goes wrong, you must be capable of taking full responsibility
- Must talk in a low tone
- Must feel time-outs are unimportant
- If you know when to challenge a play, this is not the job for you!
Do you feel you are capable of filling this position? Please apply - hopefully you can help save the Eagles!!!
Follow Connie Mack on Facebook
Listen to Connie Mack on the "My Two Cents Show" on MTR Radio
