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Twit Tweets from Ashton Kutcher Cause Consternation


Ashton Kutcher has turned his tweeting industry over to good spellers and deep thinkers after a gaffe that has made him look like an idiot.

Yes, fans, it is hard to believe Ashcan Kutcher can look worse than usual, but he sent out a grammatically incoherent tweet supporting Joe Paterno upon hearing that old man was fired. 

Kutcher apparently missed the part where the aging coach circumvented justice in child molestation and rape crimes.

This seemed to shock his fan base that numbers in the millions as Kutcher has been vocal in his opposition to child endangerment and exploitation.

Well, apparently, Ashton went off half-cocked before thinking about the boy victims of Coach Paterno’s crack staff.

Upon getting wind of his folly, Kutcher immediately issued an apology and has sworn that the tweeting industry has grown too great to bear. 

Kutcher admits now that he is helpless in face of tweeting one sentence in grammatical and logical state with thought and care. He must hire publicists and spell checkers to handle all his pearls of wisdom in the future.

For the mentally challenged, finding the correct way to use 140 characters, or about 25 intelligent words, has become a test of fast thinking people who are all thumbs when it comes to finding the right word. 

Kutcher’s “mistake” means fans will be spared his acumen and insights for the foreseeable future. He won’t tweet again until a brain becomes available from a donor. 

Perhaps more people ought to hire a public relations firm to handle their tweets. We certainly recommend that good twit senders seem to be congregaged among the student body at Penn State, where a flash riot, organized by scholars supporting Paterno with the same good judgment as Ashcan Kutter, attacked news media and rational thinking.


William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!






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