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New England Patriot Version of Hindenburg Crashes


Albert Haynesworth, the eighth wonder of the world according to Bill Belichick, has now proven to be the biggest folly since Netflix became Quikster for half a day.

After going two rounds on the sidelines with his coaches in the third quarter of Sunday’s game, Albert Haynesworth discovered that Bill Belichick plays rope-a-dope better than anyone since Muhammad Ali. 

In this case, the dope proved to be an overweight pain in the backside of the defensive line. Albert was allegedly going to tackle quarterbacks like King Kong took down by-planes. He couldn’t swat a gnat.

Haynesworth couldn’t locate the opponents across the line and often resorted to rolling in the turf, hoping to knock a few duckpins over.

To the bitter end, Bill Belichick had nary an unkind word for Albert whom he simply felt was not working out, either figuratively or literally.

Though the Patriot version of the Hindenburg never caught fire with the fans or media, he certainly crashed with a giant ka-boom.

Like the original disaster, the Haynesworth blimp was constantly under the surveillance by the media news. They were there till the end when the tiny men manning the ropes attached to Albert let him float away, like a Macy’s Day parade attraction.

If nothing else, this latest catastrophe at Gillette Stadium will shake the confidence of Patriot fans who may never want to take the Belichick carnival ride again.

Only today Haynesworth found himself on a top-ten list of most disliked players in the NFL.  Though he came in sixth, he was right behind helium filled blimps like Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress.

No one on the Patriots is correlating the demise of Haynesworth to the list of despised NFL players, though Chad Ochocinco (who was number four on the list) is said to have moved into a bunker in Foxboro.

Witnesses often said Haynesworth was a gentle and intelligent man who did not deserve his fate. We feel Patriot fans may cry, “Oh, the humanity! Oh, the humanity,” several more times before this season ends.


William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR! 



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