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Tebow Hasn’t Got a Prayer or Snowball’s Chance in Hell


DATELINE: HUMOR!

People in Hell want ice water, and people in Denver want Tim Tebow.

Some things remain sacred.

Apparently “Tebowing” is one of them. For the uninitiated or even the unworthy, you should know that QB Tim Tebow has created a viral expression of his religious fervor.

The busted Bronco falls to one knee and places a hand upon his forehead, as if in the throes of religious prayer—or migraine headache.

On Sunday no less, after sacking Tebow, Detroit Lion linebacker Stephen Tulloch fell into the “Tebowing” pose after knocking the Denver Bronco off his high horse.

This raised hue and cry that the Lion was disrespecting God, country, and the power of prayer.

No one seemed concerned that freedom of speech has a few proponents, even in the NFL.  Usually the NFL deems what is acceptable behavior and controls insensitivity in a game of brutality.

Tulloch may expect some kind of fine for his actions. There is no dancing in the end zone, and there is no mock praying on the gridiron.

That is, unless you are Tebow who ceremoniously falls to one knee before the game. Considering the way he plays, he may want to fall to two knees and perhaps prostrate himself before icons of the Holy Spirit.

His God seems to have forsaken him on the field. 

Separation of church and state may be a tenant of the American government (more or less), but Tebow is turning the NFL into his personal theocracy.

Many times in the past teammates have joined hands and bowed their heads in supplication to the sports god called Luck. They point skyward, as if the door to Heaven has opened to them personally.

So, Tebow is not really acting out of church, but his lonely knee-jerk religious symbolism may smack more of carnival tent revivals.

If Elmer Gantry were around today, he’d cast a blessing on Tebow who looks like the kind of boy who usually ends up in a motel room with the pastor for deeper penance.

We applaud Tebow for being a man of faith, though we still laugh when he tries to throw a pass.

As for Tebowing, we think bowing (Tebowing or otherwise) went out of style with spats, but lest we find ourselves stoned by the unrepentant fans of Tebowmania, we bow in deference.

We don’t want to start another Crusade for Tebow, or even spark a Denver winning streak. Tebow fans should remember that curses are about as common as prayers in sports.

 

William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!

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