Rob Gronkowski Outshines Dude Lebowski
DATELINE: HUMOR!
Move over, Paul Bunyon and Johnny Appleseed! A new titan has come down from Mount Olympus to give us a demigod for the 21st century.
A new legendary figure of titanic feats, Gronk enters the folklore faster than a speeding bullet and better able to jump over the goal line in a single bound.
Gronk has come to Foxboro from a galaxy far, far away from normal people to bring law and order to the Patriot offense.
Gronk is often disguised as a mild-mannered hick from French Lick, but only the foolhardy buy into that image.
As with Larry Bird, if you mistake the ‘aw-shucks’ demeanor with being a dumbbell, you may soon be parted from your surfboard faster than Jeff Spicoli could order pizza.
Though the bronco-busting public has been taken with the NFL superhero of the fundamentalist truth named Tebow, it is Gronk who will capture the hearts and minds of the football public in the long run.
Tom Brady of the New England Patriots insists that his giant star tight end, towering above the competition at 6’7”, is the brightest star in the firmament of Patriot playbook intelligence.
Scoffers say that they don’t want Rob Gronkowski as a partner in Trivial Pursuit or or giving advice about Rubik’s Cube. However, we will take Gronk any day when faced with a Gordion Knot.
Gronkowski defies complexity. He is the neutrino that Einstein never considered. He is the Gump in a forest of petrified pet rocks.
When he stands next to Danny Woodhead, Wes Welker, and Deion Branch, he is the New England Patriot lightning rod for pass reception records.
Balls thrown from Brady all gravitate to Gronk the Great, leaving the little guys to scurry around him like Munchkins waiting for a house to fall on them.
Gronkowski is likely to be sought by Christopher Nolan for a role in the Dark Knight, or J.J. Abrams for the next Star Trek. Gronk is bigger than life, and he walks in our midst.
William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!
