Ochocinco Enjoys Super Power of Invisibility
DATELINE: HUMOR!
Fans and media have failed to notice that major NFL star and social media personality Chad Ochocinco is actually a superhero with a secret power. He is invisible.
Chad no longer runs faster than a speeding bullet. He is obviously seen tripping over the imaginary yellow first-down marker in every game.
Ocho’s problem is not running to the wrong spots on the field. More often than not, he finds that Tom Brady has thrown an invisible ball to him.
When Ocho posts a photo of his bare midriff on Twitter, there is no bulge unwanted or unseen. Despite his out of sight talent, three million of his minions see him there regularly.
Ochocinco continues to have the ability to leap over tall buildings with a single bound. Fortunately for Chad the building code in Foxboro does not allow for skyscrapers, thus saving him from proving this claim is true.
If you look up in the sky, you may see a bird or a plane, but forget seeing Chad Ochocinco. He’s not there because he has taken the H.G. Wells superpower to new lows. He is more sideline-bound than a salad at IHOP (where his cloaking device never works).
If Tim Tebow were Chad’s quarterback, crazylegs Ocho would likely be catching balls not thrown to him. Tebow wouldn’t see him, and Chad wouldn’t be where he was supposed to be. It would be a match made in Accu-vue territory.
The major problem with invisibility as a superpower is that fellow superhero Tom Brady does not have the power to see what isn’t there.
Opponents also have not seen Ocho on the field during games because he has been using his invisibility cloaking system. The problem has been that Scotty has been unable to beam Ocho down to the right quadrants.
Speculation now centers on saving Ochocinco for the important post-Super Bowl victory party. Don’t expect to see him any time soon.
William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!
