New England Patriot Fans Worry About Tennis Elbow
DATELINE: HUMOR!
Tom Brady has tennis elbow.
That black band around his elbow is not a memorial to fallen opponents, sliced and diced by Brady’s acumen over a decade of passes.
Tom does not rub elbows with many quarterbacks in the NFL.
Most QBs cannot touch him, and the situation was not the result of fraternizing with the enemy.
Perhaps Tom has put his elbow into too many ribs as he has made a joke of NFL defensive alignments into the post-season too many times to recount.
Yes, Tom has tennis elbow, which comes from overuse to the point where his elbow bends like elbow macaroni. Add cheese, and you have a media seven-course meal.
Tom’s elbow is nothing compared to Tim Tebow’s elbow, but the Bronco QB’s trouble comes from under-utilization of his throwing arm.
Tendinitis may knock many of baseball’s starting pitchers out of the rotation, but a black armband is sufficient to keep Tom pitching into the ninth inning. He never comes out of a game, and he never needs Papelbon relief.
Fans should be grateful he is not one of the Boston Red Sox starting rotation, or he may have gone back to California like Daisuke Matsuzaka or John Lackey for surgical treatment.
Tennis elbow is like the cartoonish Road Runner (speedius birdbrainiac) whose real name always appears in parenthesis in a stop-frame moment. In this case, tennis elbow (lateral epicondylitis) seems nearly as ridiculous as that silly bird’s official moniker.
Oddly enough, everyone from cricketeers to data programmers may come down with tennis elbow, but usually not tennis players.
Brady told the media that he feels about as well as any QB does at Thanksgiving, which may be faint-hearted optimism indeed.
Tom smiles like the Mona Lisa when he is questioned, and that deepens the mystery.
Alfred E. Neumann of Mad Magazine would grin and bear it with the notion, “What? Me Worry?” but Tom Brady’s grin is like that on the Lewis Carroll Cheshire Cat.
Brady’s gone from his usually affable press conference before we can find out why that man is smiling.
William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!
