Man Upstairs Happens to be Roger Goodell; yes, Suh!

 

DATELINE: HUMOR!

No matter how you pronounce it, it sounds like the fetid smell of success. Duh, Suh, Huh.

The latest delusional football player to join the ranks of cheating, this Detroit Lion player has a name that sounds like the leftovers of salmonella poisoning.

Ndamukong Suh may be suspended for doing the Monster Mash and the Suh Long Stomp upon an opposing player in front of a national audience of turkey gazers.

If you want to give thanks for anything, be grateful you don’t know this King Kong Ndamukong. He will only believe that he is a monster if the woman who gave him birth will tell him so.

That is like asking Rosemary’s baby to tell Rosemary to go to the devil.

To be ejected from the game was (in Suh’s tiny mind) a miscarriage of justice. He wants the Occupy Detroit group to defend his million-dollar brain freeze. 

Debate among apologists for stomping tacklers feel Suh should suffer a penalty that befits the crime, though punishment by stomping seems too cruel.

Suh claims the man upstairs knows what really happened. Unfortunately for Suh, the man upstairs in the NFL is Roger Goodell.

Suh stomped on the arm of a man who was not quarterback (which seems to be his defense). It was only assault and battery, not mayhem.

Some media mavens blame the culture of winning at any cost. Some blame the Ancient Roman culture of gladiatorial role models, and a few think the Detroit Lions encouraged a mentally unstable man to think of himself as a hired killer.

In Suh’s defense, he has only been fined three times this season for wayward violence. He leads the league in total mayhem for the past few years, but it’s all in good fun.

The argument put forth by Lions’ fans is that we should keep him playing in the NFL instead of releasing him onto the American public where he would join the ranks of sociopaths and Ponzi schemers.

Other NFL judicial types want to put him in a cell with Bernie Madoff and Jerry Sandusky, figuring they all deserve each other.

 

William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!