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Longtime Fugitive from Law of Averages, Tom Brady Hits the Skids in 2011

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Not since the Redcoats beat up the Patriot hometeam at the Battle of Bunker Hill has New England been so shocked.

The New York Giants who beat the Patriots in 2007 in the Super Bowl returned to Gillette Stadium to do it again.

Tom Brady, erstwhile gift of the gods to the Great Hoodie, has gone south.

A man who has been a fugitive from the law of averages for his entire football career, Tom Brady has suddenly found probability and chance. And, the Evil Empire known as “the odds” has struck back. 

Mighty Tom has lost a couple of games and his sharp edge. The statistical outliers have crept up on him after a dozen seasons. 

Tom Brady has escaped the fate of most people for a long time, but 2011 seems to be the year his world is hit by an asteroid. The rest of us may wait until 2012.

Perhaps Brady has ingested a dose of kryptonite, poisoned by some dastardly Giant Cyclops, or perhaps time has waited patiently for a chance to even the playing field.

Like a cruel subplot of Final Destination XLVII, Tom is meeting the defeats he has avoided for ten years.

For the second game in a row, his magic has not been up his sleeve, and not on the playsheet on his sleeve. He has been unable to pull a rabbit out of his helmet at the critical moment.

The magic rabbit seems to be MIA in his helmet. Instead, he has a tiger by the tail. “Ooops, wrong hat,” are the words of Bullwinkle Moose.

Tom Brady now appears to be human. He seems frustrated. He becomes angry. He smashes a water bottle.

When demigods find their human side taking over, the denizens of Mount Olympus know the score.

In his career Tom has slain lions, hydras, boars, and bulls. He has tasted the golden apples and cleaned out the losing mentality in the Patriots’ unstable lockerroom.

However, not even Hercules could escape the mortality that dogs mere quarterbacks. Like the Mighty Casey, Tom Brady has been humbled by a couple of losses.

 

William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR! 

 

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