Chiefs vs. Patriots? More Like Billy the Kid at the OK Corral
DATELINE: HUMOR!
The pregame buildup made the game sound like the Patriots and Chiefs were about to go at it like a bad 1950s TV western.
Fans who tuned in to Monday Night Football to see the shootout at the OK Corral between the Patriot law enforcers and the outlaw Chief gang did not see a shoot’em up. It was more like a psychological western wearing film noir chaps.
The Wyatt Earp of the NFL, Tom Brady, did not take his hotshot brothers Gronk and Welkah into a fierce gun battle with the young Palko Clanton, under the tutelege of his paternal mentor Romeo Crennel Clanton.
No, there were hardly any bullets fired in the first half, though the two sides seemed to dash around the gridiron with all the aplomb of a posse after train robbers in the Badlands.
Tyler Palko was far more like Billy the Kid next to the inexorable man of the law, Tom Brady as Pat Garrett.
Palko was definitely a left-handed gun and kept the townsfolk in Foxboro County living in fear that the young gunslinger would steal the game away from the faithful fans of the Patriots.
We couldn’t decide if Palko was imitating Paul Newman or Emilio Estevez as the Kid, but Brady was definitely a cross between Kevin Costner and Kurt Russell as the well-armed sheriff.
On the sidelines Bill Belichick was doing his best John Wayne Chisum imitation, looking like a cattle baron watching his cows being run off the ranch. In the first half, Belichick looked like Rooster Cogburn.
By the second half the Wild Bunch of Patriots had chased Kid Palko over the Red River and through the red zone. Before you knew it, the Chiefs were pushed from Kansas City to Dodge City.
There, the Patriots celebrated with Chester Woodhead at the Deion Long-Branch Saloon. Wild Bill Belichick proved once again that he was the Marshal Dillon of New England.
William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!
