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The Dirtiest Word in the NFL May Surprise You


When did “finesse” become a dirty word in the NFL?

One of the Oakland Raider players referred to the New England Patriots under Bill Belichick as a “finesse team.”

This apparently did not sit well with the masculine pride of the lion-roaring, raw-meat eating Patriots.

We always thought that finesse was a good quality to have. How wrong we are again.

Alas, for 21st century football players, the epitome of the Neanderthal resurgence in the feminazi era, the word is about as insulting as “pantywaist.”  We mean, of course, “finesse.”

The only sport where finesse apparently is appreciated is the card game called Bridge, and no self-respecting football player drives off a bridge until he counts his chickens.

We had no idea a hotshot football player could even define finesse, let alone play a trump card from up his sleeve.

When a television reporter raised the issue that a Raider had said the Pats were a finesse team to a smiling, bright-eyed Deion Branch during their interview, he never blinked and his eyes grew wider. “Really? I hadn’t heard that,” he responded sweetly while his smile grew bigger.

If looks could kill, he would have finessed the Raider player.

According to wordsmiths everywhere, the term “finesse” often means 'subtlety and delicacy in style.' 

Good heavens! You cannot apply this term to young football players whose testosterone levels are off the Richter scale.

Finesse is something you find in someone wearing UGG shoes.

Come to think of it: Tom Brady is the epitome of a finesse player.

Just watch his eyes during a game. We’ve seen more feeling and more demonstrative expression in the eyes of a Great White Shark.

The only other time we have seen Tom Brady with finesse is in his post-game press conferences.

Nary a blink will cross his eyeballs. His smile is frozen like a mongoose facing a Reticulated Python. His politeness is worse than an icepick to the heart.

If slashing the opponents on the field with the aplomb of Jack the Ripper is not finesse, we cannot apply the word anywhere.

Next time we are accused of having a whimsical humor with finesse, we shall not blink and our smile shall grow bigger.

William Russo often writes sports humor, including SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and especially in the collection RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR! All books by Russo are available on as e-books or in print. His newest book, RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY  will be coming later this week!  



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