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Larry Lucchino: Sympathy for the Devil

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Sometimes the devil is in the details.

Sometimes the devil is in the blue dress.

Sometimes the devil is in Red Sox.

Sometimes the devil just makes you do it.

Sometimes the devil is just pleased to meet you.

 

LarryCan you guess his name?

Red Sox President and chief hatchet man took to the airwaves on Friday, trying apparently to step into more manure than King John Henry VIII during his impromptu runs-in with radio blabmeisters a week previous.

The Red Sox leading voice in the wilderness defended his titanic sinking team as being misunderstood by the media. To that end, he seemed reluctant to announce ticket prices increasing in the spring at Fenway Park.

Though many now have a greater appreciation for the power and glory of being a baseball president, he did his best to sink into the muck with the rest of the beer-guzzling players and fans.

He defended Josh Beckett’s Garbo imitation for sucking the fried grease off any chicken bone within the Red Sox clubhouse in September, while refusing to take public ownership. (He proposed that Beckett believes losing 30 pounds will be just the beginning of proving to Red Sox Nation that the collapse was not his fault.)

As expected, the Sox head flak said he was pleased to meet any new Red Sox managerial candidates. You can guess their names. From Ben Cherington’s handful, the number has grown in two days to two handsful.

He introduced himself to fans as a man of wealth and taste. He omitted telling that he had stolen many a fan’s soul and faith in the Red Sox.

He blamed all the doubt and pain was the fault of mediamongers, and he proceeded to wash his hands and sealed the fate of the Red Sox for 2012.

He promised to stick around Fort Myers, claiming it’s the nature of his game.

He expects to hold his general’s rank and lead the team, even if the bodies stink.

When he shows up on morning talk radio, you know it is a trap for troubadours who get killed before they reach the World Series.

If you haven’t guessed his name by now, you should know it’s Larry Lucchino (with apologies to Mick Jagger). Woo woo.

 

 

William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR! 

 

 

 

 

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