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Ace Beckett Disappoints Former Manager Jack McKeon


 DATELINE: HUMOR!

Boston Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett has a history of clubhouse carousing during the game.

Former Marlins manager Jack McKeon at age 80 represents a bygone era when players didn’t go pee-pee without keeping a hand in the game.

FatboyFat Boy of the nuclear winter, Josh 'likes beer' Beckett.

 

One of the worst offenders of the Red Sox country clubhouse hangout scandal in September was the foremost Florida Marlin PeeWee of his game, the redoubtable Josh Beckett.

The overpaid problem child of 2003 through 2011 now appears in the running to become the poster child for potty training. Fat Boy Beckett led Little Man Jon Lester down the primrose path to a nuclear winter in Boston.

McKeon told reporters that hearing Beckett’s name again mentioned in the Red Sox reports reminded him of Beckett’s old shenanigans in the potty.

McKeon, to his credit, locked the clubhouse during games in 2003 and only allowed players to go to go with a pass. He called them the “poo poo and pee pee passes.”

This man took no crap from players.

McKeon had no criticism of Terry Francona, the latest victim of the beer makes-me-go Ponzi scheme of Beckett. Each manager has to figure out how to handle cases of arrested development.

Beckett is now nine years older, but no wiser—unless being a wise-guy counts. He has repeated history from Florida to Boston.

Beckett led fellow Red Sox players in a clubhouse portapotty club where they downed beers, ate cholesterol-laden fried chicken and anything else to help keep famine from stripping them of their salaries.

McKeon’s revelation about Beckett’s potty past may force the Red Sox to put a tinkle bell around the ace pitcher’s neck to keep track of his goings.

The craven Beckett has managed to have Terry Francona fired and driven Theo Epstein to the shores of Lake Michigan. He has embarrassed teammates and wet himself with his diaper-driven tidy bowl habits.

A baseball lockout of Beckett worked once before, and perhaps John Henry learned a lesson when Beckett visited the head on Henry’s yacht, S.S. Iroquois. Henry may need to run a tight ship to keep the runs from mounting in the clubhouse.

McKeon noted that bathroom passes kept the young Beckett in check and out of beer.

Fenway ownership refurbished the men’s rooms at the park recently. Giving Beckett a key to the executive washroom may be the only way to flush Beckett out of the clubhouse next season.

 

William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR! 

 

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