Ochocinco Will Play the Lodger This Season, Shades of Hitchcock
Is this the Lodger?
For those unfamiliar with the famous lodger of lore, we will enlighten you before you end up a victim.
Yesterday Chad Ochocinco announced that he will seek accommodations with a fan for the first few weeks of the season.
Apparently he is having trouble finding digs in Beantown with all the students moving back to the city of Boston with universities opening in a few weeks. Apartments and coldwater flats are at a premium. And, condo fees are impossible nowadays.
Ochocinco may be the most amusing roommate in the history of sports, but the most famous lodger of all time turned out to be Jack the Ripper. Ask Alfred Hitchcock who made a movie by the same name.
We urge Ochocinco to double-check the references for any fan roommate. You never know when someone is a closet Jet fan, or even worse, a closet serial killer.
Ocho insists that he is easy to live with, asking only that he has his own Internet connectivity and that his roommate supply the star receiver an Xbox.
What he fails to note are his own foibles and eccentricities. Ocho tends to like music and lives to listen. He does not care for the more popular contemporary sounds of rap masters, leaning more toward cool jazz, on the order of Miles Davis.
Occasionally he will even listen to Pavarotti. This habit will certainly eliminate the possibility of his rooming with most Patriot fans that wouldn’t know Pavarotti from Kung Pao chicken.
Recently he came back from a Red Sox game well after midnight and had to shack up at Gillette Stadium so he would not be late for Coach Bill Belichick’s meetings.
Last season several players were late for one of those infamous Belichick crack of dawn meetings and found themselves excommunicated from the church of Saint Bill.
So, Ocho needs a roommate who will have the wherewithal to help his star player reach for that alarm and set the tone with the right tune.
We have no idea about sleeping arrangements, though we suspect that Ocho will not take to the couch in the living room.
It is also likely he will not want to share a room with someone who snores. This too may let out most Patriot fans (who will no doubt insist they’ve never had any complaints about their snoring).
Ocho has not specified yet whether he will seek a male or female roommate, and he has yet to decide what standards he will use to find a roommate on Twitter.
We will advise him only that the famous Lodger was a fan of the slice and dice offense across the pond. We also believe that Coach Belichick and Evelyn, Chad’s fiancée, will have veto power on finding lodgings and connecting with the right Lodger.
William Russo has written several books of sports essays including GREAT SPORTS STORIES: THE LEGENDARY FILMS and SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY. Volume 2 has a focus on Boston teams.
