Move Over, Nostradamus! Ray Lewis Predicts Dark Days Ahead!
DATELINE: HUMOR!
Beware the Ides of the Football season. Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore!”
Baltimore Ravens clairvoyant and occasional player, Ray Lewis plans a second career as a soothsayer during the NFL lockout.
What Ray sees is not pretty.
Lewis thinks people live through him, meaning the NFL heroes. And, he believes walking in the streets will become especially dangerous if there is no professional football in the fall. Either he is a channel to the great beyond, or he means the NFL Network gave him crystal balls.
We are not sure whether we should cancel our subscription to NFL Network or simply start wearing garlic garlands around our neck.
The Evil lurking in the streets may be looking for True Blood or Twilight, out of frustration with the NFL work troubles, according to Ray, our friendly clairvoyant.
Lewis worries for us peons who may be victims of crime in the streets. You may read about his warning through this link: http://www.nesn.com/2011/05/ray-lewis-predicts-rise-in-crime-if-nfl-lockout-persists.html
Given a pulpit by ESPN, Ray Lewis may be the most important prophet on the scene since Harold Camping saw the end of the world on Saturday. Ray insists to ESPN, his bullhorn for bull feathers, that society will likely see things in the street we have not before seen.
Ray seems to be a combination of Van Helsing and Renfield, nemesis of Dracula. We are not sure if he works for the vampires, the vampire hunters, or the NFL Players Union.
Some have speculated that Ray’s insights come from Oliver Stone movies, like Any Given Sunday, but others think it is far scarier to contemplate running into Ray Lewis in a dark alley. If he asks for your money or your life, he may be practicing for a job at the ticket window for the Ravens.
Speaking of which, perhaps Ray has seen too many Edgar Allan Poe references in Baltimore. They named the team after the famous black bird of Poe, and now Ray Lewis seems to be mouthing the same enigmatic warning: Nevermore!
Speculation mounts each day to learn whether Ray Lewis owns a classic Ouija board, has been reading Tarot cards, or just has a vested interest in the NFL paying him millions of dollars.
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