Celtics Hangover: Part 4, or Rondo’s Bachelor Party Brunch
DATELINE: HUMOR!
In another proposed movie sequel to the long-running series of runs at an NBA championship, the Boston Celtics Big Three plan a surprise bachelor party brunch of carrots, broccoli, and Brussel sprouts and other nutritious vegetables for Rajon Rondo. The plot sounds vaguely like another new movie, or is it life imitating art yet again?
In this proposed movie screenplay Paul Pierce and Ray Allen insist on eating right and banning all fast food from the premises. Ray’s wife has packed a picnic basket filled with healthy leftovers from her television show.
When the Big Three take off for Las Vegas in Wyc Grosbeck’s private jet, things start to go awry. Rondo realizes, halfway across the country, that Kendrick Perkins is not on the plane.
Dwight Howard tweets Rondo to tell him that he, Perk and Kevin Durant are in Bangkok, already partying because of the time difference. And, Perk is smiling.
Rondo immediately commandeers the aircraft, and no one knows where he is going, or even if he can fly. They detour to Bangkok. Rondo refuses to listen to Ray or Paul.
Once in Bangkok, the Big Three and Rondo meet Shaquita, Shaquille O’Neal’s evil twin sister who freshens their drinks of lemonade with water from the Fountain of Youth. Alas, all four pass out and wake up with a limp. It could the Achilles tendon, or just a bad calf sprain.
Worse for Rondo who hates visible tattoos, he awakens to discover he has a tattoo on his neck that makes him look like Delonte West.
On top of that, wherever they go, Dwight Howard is singing “Time in a Bottle” in falsetto. They meet Kobe Bryant and Joakim Noah, who are there with their pet monkey named Stern who won’t get off their backs, no matter how much they pay the creature.
When they all have trouble with their passports and visas, locked out of the airport to return to Boston, the Big Three discover that LeBron James and his mother Gloria have been behind the entire fiasco.
Suddenly, Rajon Rondo awakens and realizes it was all a bad dream.
Executives at Celtics headquarters have refused to give this movie project the green light.
Celtics fans may be relieved to hear it.
If you enjoy sports humor, you may want to read other work by William Russo, including RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR! and the ever nasty SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY, volume 1 or 2. Available now on amazon.com as a download to iPad, smartphone, or dumb computer.
