Philly Cheesesteaks in Clearwater are Rubbish

When I leave the Philadelphia region, I don't dare order a cheesesteak!  Every year, however, I find myself in Clearwater at Bright House Field and I hear the advertisements... Authentic Philly Cheesesteaks.  

So, the other day I am sitting in the Tiki Terrace out in left field, and I begin to wonder... what am I going to eat?  Then I hear the almighty voice echoing throughout the ballpark.  It was not the voice of God, but close.  It was Chris Wheeler (he is the public address announcer there).  He talks about this authentic Philly cheesesteaks you can get at the ballpark.   
Authentic, you know, they ship the roles down and all that good stuff.  

If you know Chris Wheeler, then you know; Chris Wheeler does not give opinions, he gives facts!

That was all I needed to here.  "Count me in," I said.  So off to the line I went... and waited!  I must have stood in line for nearly a half hour, but I was sure it would all be worth it in the end.  Then it was my turn.  I knew something was wrong immediately.  I told them I wanted one with cheese wiz, you know, the authentic kind.  The attendant pleasantly explained that they are already made with cheese on it, but she could give me a cup of wiz on the side.  "OK," I said.  So much for authentic!

 So how was it you might ask?  I'm not a food critic, but let me see if I can sum this up.  I get back to my seat in the Tiki Terrace anxious to eat my not-so authentic Philly cheesesteak.  I knew I was in trouble as soon as I got it unwrapped.  It looked like haggis.  Have you ever had haggis?  If not, you owe it to yourself.  Perhaps the most disgusting food you will ever have, largely due to it's texture.  Well, my authentic Philly cheesesteak looked like Haggis; pure mush!

I thought back to the expression, "never judge a book by it's cover."  Even though it was made wrong and looked like hell, there was still an ounce of hope that it might taste ok.  Then I took a bite.  The taste was quite simply... absent! 

Chris Wheeler lied to me.  It was just about as authentic as his hair!  My recommendation, get a hamburger!  

 

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