The interwebs are a buzz about
RSBS' propensity for picking on what seems like only a select few players/teams, for striking at those more prone to ridicule, the bottom of the baseball barrel. We're talking about the Kyle Farnsworths, Brad Lidges, Milton Bradleys. We're talking about the Chicago Cubs, Pittsburgh Pirates, Kansas City Royals.
We're talking about easy marks. All of them. They are weak, addled, flawed.
But let it be know that dear readers galore have spoken; and we at
RSBS are not ones to disappoint. So here ya go, folks... a quick slanderous slaying of all 30 Major League Teams... in one minute or less (or more, depending on your reading level):
Hey,
Yankees, is that Mo'nique or C.C. Sabathia?...
Boston
Red Sox? More like Boston Sucks Cox!...
Dear
Rays, I can't wait until you disappoint all your new fans by letting Carl Crawford go...
Blue Jays, if you're gonna let an Italian destroy your franchise, why not give one of the Gottis a shot?...
I didn't know the
Oriole way included a sharp decline in season ticket sales...
Sorry,
Twins, but you'll never be as good as Kent Hrbek farting in George Brett's face...
Hey
Tigers, remember when people used to live in your city?...
Attending a
White Sox game is a lot like attending a vocational school open house...
I think we can all agree that Charlie Sheen could make the 2010
Indians squad...
The Kansas City
Royals... did I mention Kyle Farnsworth?...
Oh, sure, I love the California Los Angeles
Angels of Los Aneheim California Angeles Los L.A....
The Texas
Rangers: Where born again drug addicts find Jesus while not making it to the playoffs...AGAIN...
Wow,
Mariners, your most famous player outside of Griffey and Ichiro is... Harold Reynolds? Seriously? Ouch...
A's... it stands for "moneyball doesn't work so it's best we go back to employing known juicers"...
Dear
Phillies, if the Phanatic isn't a phag, I don't know what mascot is...
Sorry,
Marlins... if you're not cocaine or the Dolphins, Miami doesn't even know you're there...
Atlanta
Braves...14 straight playoff appearances and how many World Series titles?...
Hey,
Nationals, two words for ya: Dunn's ^ss!...
The Cardinals? The
Cardinals!?! You're... you're... aweso-- you're... (Sorry, I can't do it; I tried)...
For insults directed towards the Cubs, please see the 2+ years of RSBS
archivesHey,
Brewers, is that Mo'nique or Prince Fielder?...
Just wait,
Reds fans, two more years of Dusty Baker, and you won't even
have a pitching staff!...
Houston, we have a problem... and it's called the
Astros...
Yeah, picking on the
Pirates is a lot like picking on the quadriplegic fat blind kid whose parents got divorced and forgot they even had a kid...
The
Dodgers' m.o. is: show up late, leave early, hope no one notices the messy divorce...
Ok,
Rockies, Dante Bichette called, he wants his inflated numbers back...
Hey,
Giants, is that Mo'nique or -- nope, that's Pablo Sandoval. He's just fat...
Padres? Friars? Perhaps Molested Altar Boys would be more suiting, considering the amount of back-bending abuse they've taken from Sandy Alderson...
The Arizona
Diamondbacks? More like the Arizona
Diamondhacks!
Whew...
My vitriolic verbal leg sweeping knows no limit.
So don't hate me 'cuz I'm right.
Peace,
Jeff
P.S. The Cardinals? Fine. If I must. Here. Have fun with
*THIS*.
*also thank you, matt